Rreincarnation
The last time i reincarnated my blog, I was sure that atleast this session of bloggin, will last a bit longer.
I was wrong.
And the make matters worse, for no GOOD reason. I just dint felt like writing. I was online daily, could have posted thrice a day, but dint post for months. Then came Lubna.
She dint spend hours trying to push me to start writing again. She dint give me logical explanation to not give up. She just asked me to do it once.
So here I am, AGAIN. Lets see how far I go this time.
And if I do any good, its Lubna's.
8th October 2006. A year passed. Nothing changed.
I was just wondering, where did that passion go? LAst year, when I went to PAF Faisal, I was stunned to see such masses turn over fora great cause. But now I know they were there for themselves, and not for those poor people effected from the earth quake. They were just there to satisfy themselves, that they have done something, so that later on, they can lie in thir beds, feel great, and sleep.
I mean nothing has changed for those effected people, only the suffering has celebrated an anniversary, their children have died owing to hunger, weather conditions and no shelter. Still they dont have any food, shelter and other basic neccessities. But I dont see any masses at the Faisal. Seems like working for the earth quake victims is so out of fashion.
Here I am Again, after yet another gap. I mean this time I was so sure nothing can come between me and my blog. And here I was again. Lost in the traumatic world of Internet less existence. The reason does not matter. All I am left to believe is the more sure you are of anything, the more likely it is to be unreliable. But I am not giving up. Heres to another try, another era of blogging, another attempt waiting to be wasted.
Here I am, This is Me.
[Period]
Causuality - Bullshit !
Everything is there for a cause. Cause, n Effect. Causuality.. BULL SHIT !!
i mean, for the past 23 years or so, everything thats around me, with me, and within me, seems baseless, useless and for whatever cause, I can not percieve. For instance, Why the hell am i depressed right now ? There is no cause for it, no reason for this feeling of solitude, this lonliness, this agression, this mixed feeling of failure and success which is growing pain from nothing !!
Why do I think things that do not exist ? what is the reason behind those moments that come without any prior notice, stay for a moment, as thats a lifetime for them, and pass, leaving a lifetime of human life to endure the pains of their memory. And all that for no reason at all. And why the heck am i posting this text which is not going to make any sense to anyone who is reading it, and worse still, wont make any sense to me even, if I read it when I am out of this feeling. And Why would I get out of this feeling, although right now it feels that there is going to be no end to this.
On second thought, everything realy is for a reason. There is a reason for this feeling, or reason rather. There is a reason behind every moment that occour, and there is an even bigger reason for their permanent stay in my memory. And bigger still, everyone if not me knows why I am posting this. Human nature is a big question sometimes, even when its yourself you are questioning. What the heck did i just typed ?
P.S. Yes the picture is mine. Taken by Arif Kamal following an idea given by me.
Helplessness
I know for a fact that we all are helpless. I mean most of the time, in matters that are most important for us, we have no choice or power to make things the way we want to be. They end up like they want to be and we are just left with an option of seeing things going the way we never wanted them to go. But, then there were these other things god ( and man ) created to give us this lame false impression that we actually have a say in things. Like choosing nicks, attire, hairstyle, post blogs when you want to. But I think even these little manifestos of "free will" are being taken away from us. "What a stupid nick !" , "Oh please wear something nice. This doesn’t suit u at all" , "Oh what a mess ! Go get a hair cut hussain, you look like a charsi" and PTA. I mean it rains for a minute and all telephones, internet connections, electricity lines, roads, underways, toasters, brains stop working. I mean am i living in some kind of a village or something ? HUH !!
The "GREAT RAINFALL" caused roads to jam, communication lines of all sort to hang up ( or atleast gave a reason to the responsible people at the end of each line to stop service) for way too long than it rained. I mean it was just RAIN!! Are we living in the stone age or something ? Rain was supposed to be a blessing, and people were supposed to ENJOY it not just curse their minds out because they cant do anything just because it rained.
..
why am I wasting my time, who is reading this anyway ?
...
The reason I’m more pissed then I should be is may be because I got back my account after so long and I couldn’t post 2 consecutive days even. I CANT EVEN POST IF I WANT TO and they talk about free will !
Back, or Am I?
After i guess more than a year, here I am again at my blog. firstly, when I joined, after sometime, Blogspot was banned (or was it ? ) by the so called administrators of Internet and communication broadways of Pakistan. The reason to this decision is so stupid, i dont even want to discuss it. And now, though it is STILL BANNED, i have found a way to get to it and here i am posting at it again. But why did it take too long for me to get a way out of their INGENIOUS blocking procudure ? well, it didnt. What happened was, while i was tryin to get back to blogspot, I forgot the account information I used to get into it and all recovery features were not available by the backdoor I am using to I was ust left to it. Now, like a stroke of luck, i was hit by the id/pwd and here I am again. Lets see how long the stay lasts.
Until later..
People and their Deceiving Lies
I sometimes wonder, do I really look that stupid, or is it my compromising and peaceful nature that people lie at my very face, although they are aware of the fact that I know they are lying. Am I the one being deceived, or are they deceiving themselves? Don’t they know that by running away from their problems, they can only delay the trouble and not end it? The best way to end the pain is to face it and let it go through you. Why can’t they stand up to their deeds and face the consequences? Why do I always have to inform people of their own feelings, their own desires while I am not fully aware of my very own ones? Why can’t they just tell me in the face they don’t like me and not leave it up to me to guess it? Why is it that first they come up to me and expect me to be there for them. And when, out of i-dont-know-what i am there for them, i am the one who is not wanted. And worse still, they dont even have the guts to hit me in the face with the fact that I am not wanted.
